


all this was only a background

by Saxifactumterritum



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode: s05e20 Enemy at the Gate, Fluff, M/M, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 14:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saxifactumterritum/pseuds/Saxifactumterritum
Summary: John is oblivious, has a lot of thoughts about suits, faces the IOA eternity of bureaucracy.





	all this was only a background

**Author's Note:**

> this is a rambling, self-indulgent thing, I didn't know what to do with it or how to end it so, here it is. The title is from Mrs Dalloway. the whole quote is in the endnote because I love that gay fucking book. 
> 
> I might add an ending tomorrow if I reread it and think it's too abrupt. I dunno

For most of the formal events in his adult life, John’s worn his dress uniform. Including his wedding. He didn’t tell Nancy until years after their divorce that that had been less a matter of pride in his service and more a problem of logistics. He’d been deployed up until the day before and all he’d had on the base they’d left him was a dress uniform. It wasn’t even his, it had been a bit of a tight fit. Nancy hits his arm when he tells her, but also laughs, and gives his arm a fond rub. They’re almost friends, by then, though it’s a friendship that rests on John being incredibly far away and Nancy accidentally making friends with Alicia Vega, stuck on earth after a medical discharge John feels responsible for. Other key events include funerals, other people’s weddings, promotions. And his almost-demotion, blackmark and sideways move to Antarctica. 

“It’s funny you end up wearing your dress uniform to everything,” Rodney says, coming to lean next to John, a few days back in the Milky Way, at some sort of formal event the SGC demanded their presence for.

“Why?” John asks, watching Richard Woolsey and James Palmer, an SGC staffer of some kind, dancing. Richard can  _ waltz _ . It’s disturbing. 

“Well, seeing as you refuse to wear the Atlantis uniform,” Rodney says. He’s looking at John, eyes a bit weird, straying up and down John’s body. The dress uniform is pretty uncomfortable and John shifts. “This is a good look on you.” 

John just smiles and sips his drink. He really has got out of ever really having to wear the ugly jackets and annoying pants. He does wear a version of the uniform. He calls it the privilege of rank and blithely ignores Major Lorne’s ongoing list of Why John is Wrong. John has that list pinned to his office wall and Lorne adds things quite regularly. It’s good for morale, John feels, especially John’s morale seeing as he never goes in there and can ignore Lorne’s complaints. 

John wears his dress uniform the day he has to go and talk to Ford’s cousin. He’s managed, after five years, to get her a level of clearance that means he can tell her a little more. Rodney’s waiting when he gets back to Atlantis, something about dinner, but John’s too tired and sick again with the loss of Ford, so they watch a movie, John still in his dress uniform pants. Rodney lends him a really soft hooded sweatshirt that he means to keep. He wears his dress uniform when he has to show VIPs from the USAF over Atlantis. The SGC even makes him cut his hair, as if that’s going to make a difference. To get rid of the cowlicks he’s have to shave his head. Rodney scowls about the new hair and scrubs at John’s head to make sure it’s still soft or something, it’s all a bit weird. 

When they go to the IOA to present what’s being called ‘The Pegasus Initiative’, though, he is apparently going to be wearing a suit. This is Colonel Carter’s idea, and he hates it. They put together The Pegasus Initiative to explain to the civilian oversight bodies just why a military presence is required in Pegasus, to put into simple terms the idea that Wraith are Bad and need to be monitored, that if one hive can make it to Earth others can work it out. There’s an offshoot of The Pegasus Initiative, which is colloquially known as ‘No you Can’t Keep our City’. Rodney keeps putting it on official documents and John has to go through every time Rodney adds stuff and change it to ‘The Scientific Benefits of Keeping Atlantis in Pegasus’. Carter says that because John is going to be advocating for the civilian side of the Atlantis expedition as well as the military presence in the Pegasus galaxy, he ought to wear a suit. 

“Besides, John, they like civilians. You pass as a civilian better than any of us,” Carter says. “We’ve got lots of military heavy-weights to look grand in uniforms, they want the maverick hot-shot who saves the world before breakfast.”

She’s sat in Rodney’s living-room, she’s fairly drunk, and she’s eating handfuls of Cheetos. She’s sprawled against Jennifer, who is also fairly drunk, and they’re both having their toes painted by a scarily intent Ronon. John, who only stopped by to collect some of the stuff Rodney let him store here while they’re on Earth, seeing as he still hasn’t got anything more than a storage locker in California, feels like he’s been ambushed. Currently, he’s wearing his dress uniform pants and an Atlantis short-sleeved shirt, is on his way from a meeting with Woolsey to the SGC to be beamed up to the Hammond to test-fly a brand new F305. He wants clothes from Rodney’s so he can wear something other than dress uniform pants. 

“I’m not sure that I even have a suit,” John admits. 

“Made me wear a suit, for your Dad's funeral, took me to that store. Target,” Ronon reminds him, amused by all this. 

“A proper suit,” Carter says, firmly, looking him up and down with a critical eye. “It’ll need to be tailored.” John pulls a face, pretty sure that is an insult. “Tealc has a good line on alterations, he does most of the base. He has reasonable rates, as well. Though, he overcharges if he doesn’t like you. Have you pissed him off recently?”

“I don’t think so, he seems to enjoy beating me to the mats over and over,” John says, scratching the back of his neck. “I dunno. Where do you buy suits? Where’s Rodney, anyway?”

“He’s hiding in his office,” Jennifer slurs, tipping her head back on Colonel Carter’s shoulder. “You’d look really lovely in a suit, colonel. Truly. We’ll take you shopping, maybe Alicia will want to come.”

“No. No no no! If you drag Vega into this, she’ll bring Nancy, they’re friends. I absolutely refuse to go shopping with my ex wife,” John says, backing away. He’ll come back for his stuff. Another time. 

“I can make it an order,” Carter says. 

“I’ll resign my commission,” John says, making a break for it, shutting the front door on Ronon’s laughter. 

He does buy a suit, but he does it with Richard along instead of his ex wife. He asks Richard zero questions about James but gets told anyway. Apparently they met just before Pegasus a few times, and now have decided to ‘embark upon a relationship’. Richard calls it ‘long distance’ and John has to try hard not to laugh because it’s a ridiculous understatement.

“It works. We’re both solitary men,” Richard says. He’s sat out in the waiting area while John tries to get himself into the fifth suit he’s tried on here. He just wants to buy something and go, but Richard has strong opinions about suits. 

“Uh… you’ll, um, miss him?” John says, trying to think what Jeannie Miller might say in this situation, not really caring that much. 

“Yes, sometimes. He’s a very accomplished pianist, I will miss that. Sitting listening in the evenings while he plays,” Richard says. 

John grunts acknowledgement and fights his way through the curtains to be examined. Richard gives a nod and lets him buy the stupid suit. He does go to Tealc, as well, and gets mates-rates on the alterations, with the understanding that he will allow Tealc to continue to ‘train’ him. It is useful, and it is training, of a brutal fashion. John always thinks it’s worth trying out different fighting styles and he’s seen Tealc beat Ronon, which would be nice to be able to emulate. John agrees easily to continuing to losing over and over again. The mats are comfy. 

Colonel Carter approves of his suit. General O’Neil blinks a lot, asks why he doesn’t just wear a dress uniform like the rest of them, then walks away before anyone can answer. It makes John feel like an idiot, which is what he feels like for the rest of that day and the next a people parade through the IOA committee meetings being incredibly smart while John mostly stands there like a lemon, nodding along. He wrote the book, literally, on strategy in the Pegasus galaxy, and he wrote pretty much all the protocols and security briefs that people cite, or was at least consulted, but he still feels like ornamentation. He’s in the brass’s good books for once, and he’s being trotted out now to help illustrate The Pegasus Initiative. He at least kind of enjoys watching Rodney talking with his hands. Rodney asks him to dinner again but he’s too restless; he goes to fight Tealc and Ronon instead. 

The third day he has to speak, giving a paper called ‘reconciling military and civilian interests in the Pegasus Galaxy’. Teyla came up with all the titles, John has no idea why he’s doing this one. He’s been banned from talking about the ongoing fight between the marines and the biologists for the pool tables, and he’s been doubly banned from talking about the Great Mollusc Fight of Year Two. He can’t even talk about the time they ran out of coffee and Zelenka was briefly a God to both military and civilian populations, because he had a stuash left. Ah, he remembers the fall of that empire fondly. He hadn't enjoyed Rodney's eternal kvetching. Rodney tells him it went fine, praising him for managing not to mention a single mollusc.

Shen Xiaoyi spends day four asking John increasingly in-depth questions. He can answer most of them but he’s not an idiot; he’s wearing a suit, but he’s military. He answers when it’s on strategy or security, if it’s wider he directs her to the SGC personnel and the brass who are supposedly shaping policy and the overall approach out in Pegasus. He also directs a lot of the questions to Rodney or his team, she’s asking for incredibly specific information. Eventually she asks him questions about his actual job and about the gate-teams, which he enjoys answering. He gets questions from other IOA members, the French representation only speaks in French and he hates it when John answers in the same language. He went to good schools and his father wanted him to be a businessman, of course he speaks other languages. He thinks bitterly that his father would love this. 

“Are you gonna keep the suit?” Rodney asks, after day five. 

They’re all feeling a little bit limp, but tomorrow they’re bringing Ronon which promises to be fun. Teyla came today and she’s sat beside Rodney, they’re in the mess and she’s poking dubiously at the pasta on her plate. 

“How is that Earth is so full of abundance, and yet the food here is no better than on Atlantis? Is, in fact, far worse?” she asks, saving John from having to answer the suit question. 

“I like it,” Rodney says. 

“You would,” John says. He’s getting a headache and he’s in a pissy mood. Teyla was answering most of the questions today and he was back to looking pretty and trying really hard not to fall asleep or get distracted. “Walk into any US base mess, anywhere in the world, you’ll get the same food. It’s magic.”

“Everything is uniform,” Teyla says. “It is a mark of richness, to be able to afford to get things made to match. Food, clothes, boots.”

“I wore the wrong uniform for most of my deployments, I was always one or two updates behind, because of the work I was doing. I got an update every time I was state-side, but they don’t just give you new stuff,” John says. “Not if what you’ve got works fine. I wore BDUs way past the point the USAF changed to ABU. They’ve changed again, I think, now.”

“And now you wear a suit,” Rodney says. Damn. “Are you keeping it?”

“Hang it in your wardrobe, fine,” John says. 

“You can wear it to dinner,” Rodney says, sounding pleased. John pulls a face. “Tonight.”

“Yeah, not happening. This is horrible, I’m sticking to my dress uniform in the future. It’s more comfortable,” John says.

It’s a lie, this suit is pretty comfy, but he wants to burn it. Maybe he’ll wear his old USAF ABUs to Rodney’s wedding, whenever it comes around. Not that it seems to be coming around very quickly, Keller’s barely around anymore and she’s been talking to Richard about leaving as CMO, doing a short-deployment like Daedalus personnel instead. Something about a research position available on Earth she wants to pursue. John knows because Richard’s been talking to him about it, trying to work something out. He has no idea who he wants as CMO if she leaves and keeps on coming to John to discuss various pros and cons of the three top candidates. John wants to steal Doctor Gush from the SGC, he’s annoying as hell but he’s served all over the place, worked for MSF, done a few stints off-world for the SGC, and has run the night-shift there for years now. He’s pretty experienced with weird shit and emergency medicine. 

“John? Are you listening?” Teyla asks. She sounds annoyed, so John tunes back in, ignoring the stabs of pain through his temples. 

Rodney drags him off the SGC that night, makes him sleep in his spare room, douses him in Tylenol and calls him an idiot. It’s nice, like he’s being taken care of or something. Rodney says they can go to dinner later and says something about the date, setting a date, a date. John's not really listening. He sleeps like he always does these days; fitfully, restless after being stood still too much in the day. Day six of the IOA committee meetings he gets up early and runs Rodney’s neighbourhood, finding some steeper inclines and pushing until he’s gasping for breath, and he begs out of the first hour of the IOA, citing important business on Atlantis, and spars with Tealc for a good forty minutes. Tealc says he’s improving, after he hits the mats for the millionth time, which buoys him up. He arrives in a good mood and ignores the dark looks Ronon and Rodney give him for skiving.

Ronon’s always succinct, and today is not different. He’s not a stupid guy, John knows that better than most, but he’s not got the kind of intelligence that the IOA values. They ask him a lot of questions he doesn’t know the answers to and when that happens he just shrugs, turning to John or Teyla depending if it’s about Atlantis or Pegasus. He refuses to answer their questions about Sateda, but when Carson turns up halfway through the day, finally let out of his debrief (and John is going to be making sure no one locks Carson underground for months again, not on his watch), Ronon says Carson can answer. All in all the IOA is happy enough with Ronon but don’t want him back again. They  _ do  _ want to hear about Carson’s work with the Hoffan plague, mostly in order to make sure he’s not using Atlantis resources beyond what’s been authorised. John has to step in, there, because some of what Carson’s been using is military allocations; they’ve been careful about IOA power-plays. The IOA likes to use their control of resources to control and shape the expedition, but John has slightly more freedom than Richar, the military and civilian stuff is mostly kept as separate acquisitions, even in the infirmary where they have military and civilian personnel and projects. Colonel Davies and Colonel Carter both back him up. 

There’s another full week of meetings, but they give everyone Sunday off. John spends his day flying tests for the F305s again, on the General Hammond with Colonel Carter. Rodney's jealous, he's in a bad mood about it so John goes back to Atlantis after. Rodney seems fixated on dinner, he reminds John several times, but John just wants to run, fight, and watch a movie or eat bad base food, which is easy. Rodney grudgingly joins him for movies and food, never for running, once or fighting at Ronon's instance. 

On the last Friday of meetings, John swaps his suit for his dress uniform and brings Lorne along. He’s put Lorne forward for a promotion and Lorne plays nicely; most people don’t even notice the dry sarcasm. He’ll get the promotion for sure if the IOA like him, which they do. Of course they do, Lorne talks about protocol for fifteen minutes before anyone can get a word in edgewise to derail him. No one but John need know that Lorne is ribbing John about the octopus incident, where John had stuck to protocol. Even though it ended up just being an octopus. John can hear the unheard ‘this is how we did it on PX984-588 when I really wanted to go home’. Rodney obviously does notice, he’s trying really hard not to laugh all through the monologue. 

“It was really good surfing, if I was gonna clear it for shore-leave I needed to be sure! Just let the cephlapods thing go, Lorne,” John grumbles, on their way out. Lorne gives him a very crisp salute and shouts out a ‘yessir’ worthy of the marines, then heads off back to his new SGC gate team. Rodney comes up, still chuckling. “Seriously, it was incredibly weird okay? Octopuses on Earth don’t  _ do  _ that, they’re really territorial, they’re solitary. They don’t go about in huge swathes making like a submerged ship.”

Rodney just sniggers at him and nudges him encouragingly toward the mess, talking with his hands about some project or other. John catches a hand before Rodney hits a passing airman and Rodney beams at him and somehow they're holding hands for a few minutes until Rodney needs it back to gesticulate. John's palm tingles. 

He really wants to change, but he’s pretty sure Rodney’s not in a mood to be patient, so he sits in the mess in his dress uniform and accepts the cat-calls and whistles every time someone walks past. He's kind of hungry, but doesn't really want any of the food here, so he's just got a coke. Rodney's got three chocolate bars and so much coffee. Carson joins them, offsetting Rodney’s ranting with a low, worried droning about his turtles on Atlantis and if Ronon will be remembering to feed them and then goes off on a tangent wondering if Cadman will be doing another tour in Pegasus because that would be awkward and then segues clumsily into telling them about his new beautiful girlfriend who’s transferring from the SGC to Atlantis, some kind of engineer. John looks around and spots Teyla and smiles in relief as she joins them and can take over some of the ‘listening to talkative coworkers’ duty. She seems genuinely interested in Carson’s gossip and incredibly uninterested in Rodney, so John listens in on some of the gobbledegook and tries to make heads or tails of it.

“...and so if you look at it from that angle, which is the  _ correct _ angle, you can see that-” Rodney stops abruptly. “You didn’t wear the suit today.”

“You’re quick,” John drawls, stuffing his last bite of bread in and chewing. 

“Huh. You look weird,” Rodney says, narrowing his eyes. “Are you skinnier? Fatter? No. Maybe it’s the contrast with the tailoring of the suit. No, I think it’s your hair, did you do something to your hair?”

“A month or two ago I got it cut?” John suggests. 

“Hmm. Could be that. Are you growing a beard? No, I’ve got it! It’s your muscle-tone. You’ve been working out,” Rodney looks very pleased with himself, reaching over and taking Carson’s bread without looking. Carson doesn’t even notice. “It looks svelte, colonel. Very military. Last time you wore that it looked a bit like you were playing dress up.”

“There might’ve been a compliment in there but it got lost among the insults, buddy,” John says, sitting back, grinning.  _ Svelte.  _ He likes that. 

Rodney doesn’t go back to ranting. He decides that, since they’ve finished eating and they’ve finished IOA-ing and John’s not rushing off to other things, they’re going to go out for dinner, finally. John has some spare clothes in his office here (he’s not got a room on base, but they’ve given him an office to ignore - nice of them), so he goes and changes into his softest, rattiest jeans and his comfiest t-shirt. Rodney sends him back to change again, into the suit. John tries to fight it, but Rodney just ignores him and types on his laptop until John goes to change. The second time he comes out he’s deemed acceptable and they head on up to the carpark and Rodney’s car. They go back to Rodney’s apartment first and Rodney changes into nicer clothes, though not a suit. Really nice black jeans and a button-down, a jacket over his arm. 

“I look like a penguin in a suit,” Rodney explains, getting back behind the wheel. “Ok. I’m taking you to the best place in town, but keep in mind it’s Colorado Springs, not San Francisco. Are your expectations set suitably low? Good. Off we go.”

John falls asleep against the window on the short journey to the place and Rodney wakes him with a bad tempered poke, whining about John being bad company. He yawns and stretches and makes a half-assed apology before climbing out and looking around. He tries not to do the scan for trouble thing, but he hasn’t been away from off-world missions long enough. He absently checks his weapons before remember he doesn’t have any. He has a few knives; Ronon’s made him better at hiding knives. Because apparently John’s only allowed out of Ronon’s sight anymore if he has at least two knives well-hidden. Ronon also made him promise to be more suspicious of people even if they were kissing him. John’s tried to explain many times that it always comes way out of left field, he never realises until after he’s already done the kissing that the kissing is even on the books, so it’s not like he can adequately assess things.

“John?” Rodney asks, a little way up the sidewalk, looking back at John. The use of his first name and the slightly baffled, slightly concerned look Rodney has on suggests that he’s tried to get John’s attention before. John shakes himself. 

“Sorry, still half asleep,” John says, shoving his hands in his pockets and catching up, falling into step with Rodney. 

He’s quite happy to let Rodney do the talking, listening quietly, observing the evening. Checking the people passing for weaponry and keeping half an eye on their six. Rodney’s pre-booked a table which shows more forethought that John expected, and he’s even given instructions, apparently. The table’s got good sightlines and they can both sit so their backs are against the wall. There aren’t many exits, John can see them all from where he’s sat. Rodney’s watching him, a smug little half-smile playing around his lips. John huffs and pulls a face and Rodney gives a full-blown version, the smile blossoming across his face and up into his eyes. His shirt really offsets the blue there, and how sharp he expressions are. 

“You’re zoning out on me again,” Rodney says. He sounds fond about it, amused. “You’ve been really bored, haven’t you?”

“God, who knew it was so exhausting standing there doing nothing?” John says, groaning and rubbing his face. “It’s so boring, I can’t stop paying attention though because that’s when they pounce with the hard questions and before you know it you’re answering for the nickle and dime candy you stole when you were a kid!”

“Are you speaking from experience, here?” Rodney asks, holding back laughter. 

“Yes! I had this drill sergeant, my second deployment, I never worked out what his angle was…” John trails off because a waiter is on the way over. 

It’s a good dinner, Rodney complains about the food and the speed of the service, but John’s noticed that while he’s an absolute ass to pretty much everyone on the planet, low-level service staff he’s a bit of an angel for. He thanks them for bringing food and clearing dishes and he’s polite getting their attention. He muttered something about having worked shitty jobs as a student, once, and it always sort of charms John. It helps that even thought Rodney complains, the food is excellent and the service is good. They tip well at the end, staying for a little too long talking, wandering out into the evening and standing in the street. John stands looking up at the darkening sky, thinking about heading home. Though, he’s probably missed the transport back to Atlantis, it must be getting late.

“I guess I-” John starts,but he’s cut off by Rodney pressing close, hand tucking under John’s jaw, lips cool and hesitant against John’s. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Rodney asks, scowling. Then he grins and leans in, fingers guiding John into another kiss. More sure, other hand coming up to hold John’s arm, pulling him gently close. 

When Rodney pulls away again, John licks his lips and Rodney’s grin goes lopsided like he’s pleased with himself. John starts putting things together, comments through the week, Jennifer not moving in with Rodney and in fact, actually, now John thinks about it she’s staying at Alicia Vega’s, and the whole not going back to Atlantis totally, and Rodney inviting John to dinner several times and saying weird things about it that never really registered. His thing about John’s suit. His comment earlier about John looking good, that, John now realises, hasn’t been an isolated compliment, Rodney’s been dropping them here and there. 

“Oh,” John says, sighing into it, finally getting it. 

**Author's Note:**

> All this was only a background for Sally. She stood by the fireplace talking, in that beautiful voice which made everything she said sound like a caress, to Papa, who had begun to be attracted rather against his will (he never got over lending her one of his books and finding it soaked on the terrace), when suddenly she said, “What a shame to sit indoors!” and they all went out on to the terrace and walked up and down. Peter Walsh and Joseph Breitkopf went on about Wagner. She and Sally fell a little behind. Then came the most exquisite moment of her whole life passing a stone urn with flowers in it. Sally stopped; picked a flower; kissed her on the lips. The whole world might have turned upside down! The others disappeared; there she was alone with Sally. And she felt that she had been given a present, wrapped up, and told just to keep it, not to look at it — a diamond, something infinitely precious, wrapped up, which, as they walked (up and down, up and down), she uncovered, or the radiance burnt through, the revelation, the religious feeling!


End file.
